Hi👋🏽 I’m Kat. I help navigate difficult conversations and teach women how to negotiate on their own terms. Welcome to my version of a newsletter where I’ll be reminding you to show up for yourself. You may listen (above) or read (below). You’re doing great, sweetie. Remember you’re all you have. So welcome and thanks for being here. NOTE: This week’s topic is based on last week’s poll, which revealed that people want to hear about social anxieties post-pandemic. So here’s this week’s reflections.✨
I can’t wait to see you, friends. To give you fist bumps, high fives or hugs, or whatever feels right. I can’t wait for unlimited salsa with you (both the tortilla dip and the dance, with margaritas on the side) from sunset until the last woman standing. With wedding season in full swing, I am very excited to celebrate your nuptials. I look forward to all the birthdays and many milestones to come. Yes to warm beaches, upstate wineries, Central Park picnics, Sunday brunches, and pool parties with you. Yes to rooftop season in New York. Rosé all day baby. I am ready to go out and make up for lost time with you.
And yet, then again. Maybe not.
Like so many of you despite having extroverted tendencies or the desire to reconnect and rekindle with pre-2020 friends, this social re-entry feels incredibly taxing. I know I’m not alone but I do find myself constantly having to mentally and emotionally prepare myself in moments leading up to rendezvousing with a friend. If I am to be honest, psyching myself up takes up more of my time and energy than getting ready, commuting and actually hanging out all combined. Anyone else feel this? I like to think I want to get back to normalcy but what does that even really mean?
To come back to the way things were seems like a bit of denial of reality. The pursuit to put all things behind us makes sense but can things really go back to the way things were? Are we even the same person before all this started?
Fifty percent of the US population say they feel anxious about resuming in-person activities so I guess it’s good to know we’re not alone. For many of us, the pandemic has altered the way we now live our life. We lost people, we lost jobs and we lost interest. Death count is nearing 7 million worldwide. As a country, the US has lost more than 900,000 lives to the virus. It’s crazy to imagine that behind those numbers represent a human life. Each body count is a person with loved ones who they left behind and whose lives will never be the same. So as a global community, no, we are not the same as before.
For the rest of us who may have not been directly impacted by deaths of our loved ones, we suffer in other numerous ways. Businesses shutting down. Unemployment. Struggles of childcare. If we didn’t have it before, we are now developing mental health issues (depression, anxiety, insomnia, dementia.) And for those of us who already struggle, the symptoms have now exponentially exacerbated. Racial and ethnic groups who have been disproportionately affected by the pandemic are suffering the worst. And to go even a step further, the recent spurt of hate crimes against our AAPI (Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders) friends is making re-entry that much more crippling. (The real fear that your identity puts a target on your back is another panic-inducing reason to remain at home.)
It’s great that there are people who can get right back into the swing of things. I know a lot are just simply trying to move forward and forget the past. Others are slowly acclimating through exposure therapy. But to expect that people can easily slip back into society is a poorly misguided notion. And also insensitive. Some of us lost loved ones. Some of us lost our jobs. Some of us are suffering mentally and emotionally. Some of us are just not ready. What we experienced was a global pandemic that put our world to a screeching halt. Just because you feel ready for that social gathering, it does not automatically translate that your employees, friends or loved ones are on that same level of comfort. The lingering effects of COVID remains to haunt us whether we are aware of it or not. So be kind to people struggling with re-entry and don’t expect them to work on your time.
Each of us handle situations differently. And then there are some simply better at hiding trauma than others. But at the end of the day, your social anxieties (you over there who’s struggling to reach out to friends again) are very valid. You are not alone. And if you are not ready to commit back into the social scene, then don’t. Do it when you’re ready, on your own time and don’t be pressured to feel how everyone else feels. If sitting solo under a tree in Central Park is all you can muster at this time then it behooves you to do just that. Your friends, if they really are your friends, will be there when you’re ready to resurface.
It’s worth noting that there’s a proportion of folks who are experiencing this anxiety for the completely opposite reason. They are not eager to go back to the way things were, but rather they are eager to move far away from where they once were. For a lot of people, change was already underway and the pandemic was just the right push that forced them into accepting things that they’ve always known for awhile: that they no longer want that old life back - the life they had pre-pandemic. Because they’ve changed over the course of the year. And they outgrew the old ways. Like the stories you hear about the skyrocketing divorce rates, a lot of women have found themselves reawakening to the truth that they no longer want to be with their partners. And the life they once had is not suitable for the evolution of their truest selves. They are rethinking their priorities. Leaving that soul-sucking job. Turning back from toxic relationships. And my personal favorite - learning their boundaries.
I have wondered if some of my willingness (or unwillingness) to get back in the social scene has little to do with my psychological or emotional readiness but more with the truth that I am no longer that same person I was pre-pandemic. Like the waxed and vaxed newly divorcee, I too am ready to start a new and a completely different path forward. I am still a little unsure what that path looks like so I'm taking it one step at a time. But for certain, I am not going back to the way things were.
Perhaps you may be on the same boat. Either way, remember to take re-entry slow if you must. When you’re ready to rejoin the revelry in pursuit of your new way of life or relive your glory days from 2019, do it on your terms. We didn’t survive a pandemic only to live a life others pressured us into living. So come out when you’re ready.
Kat✨
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