Hi👋🏽 I’m Kat. I help navigate difficult conversations and teach women how to negotiate on their own terms. Welcome to my version of a newsletter where I’ll be reminding you to show up for yourself. You may listen (above) or read (below). You’re doing great, sweetie. Remember you’re all you have. So welcome and thanks for being here.✨
I don’t know about you but this past week was somewhat of an emotional rollercoaster for most of us thanks to the cosmos. A lunar eclipse. A full moon. And then Mercury just started retrograding. Hold on to your fake lashes, ladies, things are about to get really bumpy. If anyone here has experienced this kind of cosmic shift, please drop me a line and let me know I’m not crazy(-ier than normal).
This week I want to venture down memory lane and explore back to our youth or childhood years. When you think fondly (or not) about your childhood, do you also happen to remember those moments when you were just a bit misunderstood, isolated and alone? Do you recall that feeling of desperation and loneliness like no one in the world seems to understand what you’re going through? In those moments, we often turn to our idols, imaginary friends or aspirational icons who served as our beacon of hope. We look to the role models we admire and emulate because in our mind they get us. And in our made up conversations with them, they tell us it’s all going to work out fine.
When I was younger, relatable role models were not always easy to come by. I don’t mean family members and loved ones. The kind of role models I speak of are socio-cultural icons revered by many. I am thinking of the ones that are almost unreachable or often fictional, and who we often daydream of becoming. Think of icons for young kids like the dolls they played with. And for older kids, whoever was the pop icon of their time. It’s Brittany, bitch. But when you think about the kinds of messages those role models and icons carry, they represent a persona that we’re subliminally told we should strive for. This was not just exclusive to children’s toys or pop stars in our youth, but think about the media that somehow always touted specific qualities, traits, features and a way of life as something far more superior. Anything contrary is considered inferior. What if those images and features are not only unattainable but highly improbable. (Whitening creams and diet pills, anyone?) What kind of message does it send if representation is limited to that narrow ideal and makes no room for anything else?
I wish I could say this lack of role models in my life ended in my youth but let’s fast forward into my early career. I was working on a large project with a team to present the fresh new look of the organization. One of the components was a video that was to promote, “we’re a globalized community with the best talents in the world.” I remembered being called to an exec's office and asked for my opinion about the new company video that we were about to release to the media. I told them my honest opinion, that it was nice but, “I don’t see anyone who looks like me represented here.” Perhaps being able to see one of the company leaders who looked like me was like seeing an extension to who I am. Their representation in the video validates myself and my larger community signaling that we too are important to be featured. The boss quickly turned to me as if to correct me and said, “Yes there is! There’s an Indian guy in the video!” Oh, I’m sorry. You are so right. Because he’s brown and Asian like me that should make up for it. Silly me for thinking otherwise. I slink my junior ass back to my cubicle and pretended it wasn’t that a big deal. Maybe I was being sensitive. Maybe I was being too entitled. Maybe I was overstepping. Whatever it was, I didn’t feel authorized to speak on my behalf. Whether as a child or an entry-level associate, we always tend to look for that icon that represents our ideals and convictions packaged in an adult role model. Because it’s important to know that our ambitions are possible because someone just like us, made it.
It’s hard to see yourself in positions of power, if positions of power have always been occupied by someone who is/looks nothing like you. You start to believe that you are not worthy to take up space because those are reserved only for the elite few. If you’re a child exposed to certain visuals and imagery of what beauty, power or leadership looks like, you start believing that you are limited and do not have what it takes unless you fit the mold.
I recently vowed to myself to not only become the role model I wish I had in my youth, but to others who wish to walk a similar path. As adults, it’s our personal responsibility to show up not only for ourselves but for little girls/boys and young women/men who are in search of answers to questions: Is something wrong with me? Why am I so different? Will I ever make it? We are here to remind them, yes it will all work out fine. And, fuck yeah, they can make it in the world just as they are.
So hbu, friends? Do you think you’re showing up for yourself? Just remember someone out there looks up to you. Shine bright like the star that you are and may your radiance light the path for others who need help in finding their own way.
Kat✨
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