Hi👋🏽 I’m Kat. I help navigate difficult conversations and teach women how to negotiate on their own terms. Welcome to my version of a newsletter where I’ll be reminding you how to be kinder to yourself. You may listen (above) or read (below). You’re doing great, sweetie. Remember you’re all you have. So welcome and thanks for being here.✨
I recently found myself rushing through things lately. I’m not sure if this is a side effect of surviving 2020 as if my mortality has become more apparent. I’ve been speeding through so many projects as if I’m racing against time. I need to get this done just in case. After a serious meditation session, I learned that I was in fact trying to beat that arbitrary lifeline. Truth is, I don’t know why I’m in such a rush. We know how it all ends. It ends the same way for everyone but it’s the moments in between that makes the journey different for each of us.
I thought about all the people who are busy racing against time. Earn a degree by 21. Be a YouTube sensation by 25 (I’m learning this is a legitimate career goal for kids now). Make that first million by 30. Get married by 32. Have kids by 35. Retire by 40. Sounds like they have it all figured out. But we all know what happens. Life happens.
I recently had the chance to witness this let’s-get-this-over-with phenomenon in the last several weeks. Mostly in myself. I’ve been working on this project for two months now and have been incredibly eager (impatient if I’m being honest) to get everything up and out the door. It’s a passion project that I have been contemplating towards achieving for years and have finally found the balls to seriously pursue. Ever felt like you’re about to fulfill a childhood dream that’s finally becoming more real? I’m not talking about where you dream that Chris Evans is your boyfriend. Though I would not oppose that becoming a reality. I mean a life dream. You want to grab that dream before it drifts away. And that’s what I did. When I finally found that momentum, I sprung into action and took advantage of the opportunity while I still had the creative inspiration and motivation to chase after the dream.
In the process of rushing to fulfill this childhood reverie, I found myself consumed by anxiety, which made the development of my dream come true a bit of an operational nightmare. Why am I doing this? Not the part where I am chasing a dream but the part where I am voluntarily stressing myself out to achieve that dream. I was pressuring myself to beat the ultimate deadline. Life. The thought occurred to me: what then do I get at the end of all this? Yes, the chance to achieve a goal. Fulfill a calling. Make a dream come true. All this is great. But then what else is waiting for me at the end?
We’re rushing to get things done quickly. For what reason? So we can start another goal to get that one done quickly too? Then start the process again with others and get them done as fast as well? What crossed my mind as I thought about this insanity was the idea that if we’re rushing just to be done with it, why do it in the first place? Is the endpoint really that much greater than the journey? Is that dream, ambition, desire or fantasy even worth the pursuit if the process of getting there is neither fun, pleasurable nor enjoyable? Isn’t the journey the whole point of the experience?
The rush to the finish line or hitting that next milestone recently reminded me of the David Foster Wallace commencement speech where he shared this parable: “There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says, ‘Morning, boys. How’s the water?’ And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes, ‘What the hell is water?’“ If you’re a fan of Pixar, this was also the thematic denouement of the movie Soul where the protagonist cheated the afterlife and literally fought his way back into the living for a chance to fulfill his life’s dream. But when he finally achieved his lifelong ambition, instead of euphoria he found emptiness. The lesson was that he was simply too caught up on a dream that he missed out living his life. You have to watch it, but it’s the same fish-life analogy.
I know it is depressing to think but we can all agree that our mortality is inevitable. And most of the time, the end catches us off guard. They say we’re never ready for death. Even if we’re told our days are numbered. Perhaps that’s the reason why we’re all anxiously trying to reach goal after goal and “get them out of the way.” But we become entangled in the hot pursuit of hitting big milestones forgetting to truly appreciate the process and finding pleasure in the everyday. What if we don’t get to fulfill our dream, achieve that goal or hit that milestone, would that mean we lived an unfulfilling life? On the contrary, what if we hit all our goals but we didn’t get to appreciate, really appreciate life, would the milestones make up for everyday moments we missed on our quest to reach our ambition?
I am obviously not saying to get rid of our planners. As a goal-setter myself, I work towards those goals (all day, everyday). And we know living in the moment and mindfulness are not new concepts but it’s worth a reminder to all of us. Life is not about the big events, though those definitely make life that much sweeter. But this is life. As you read or listen to this, whether you’re still in your pajamas, yesterday’s clothes, drinking coffee or vodka, regretting all the carbs you consumed this morning or contemplating about leaving your couch today, this is life happening to you. Right here, right now. Don’t wait for those grand moments to find joy, pleasure and fulfillment in your life.
With that, I leave you to hopefully appreciate the simple moments in your life today. Goals will always be there waiting for us. But this moment passing by is one we’ll never get back. So breathe in this moment and enjoy the water.
xx
Kat✨
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